‘from my heart to the heavens’

Usually when I fast, it is an amazing way for me to get quiet, to get centered and to find more time to spend with God. This time around, not so much. (My body is definitely happy that I gave it a 4 day break but I ended up breaking my fast two days early tonight. After a 90+ degree day stuck in the aquatics room my energy was drained and I had about 4 too many quazi-fainting spells so I decided enough was enough…I hadn’t spent much more time in the Word or praying anyway.) I found myself longing for the end of this day, things just kept going wrong. I kept over-thinking things. I let fear overcome me. I kept speaking without thinking things through. I felt like an idiot. Maybe I was being an idiot? Only then, after all my floundering did I run to my Father. Not so much while I was working so hard to keep fasting. I know I can fast for a few days, I don’t always need His reassurance for that. But I do need reassurance when it comes to matters of the heart. When I feel as though I may have ventured out too far, sometimes I find myself running back to hide behind Him. Did I say too much, Lord? Did I give too much? Should I be doing something more? Am I seeing things all wrong? I am often asking myself these types of questions.

I really do believe God is in everything we do. Even the little things, scratch that, especially in the little things. (So grateful to Ann for helping me to see this) but tonight as I was scanning the web for something inspirational, something to maybe lift my mood a little- I stumbled across a blog someone wrote called Following the Feminine Heart – it’s such a great post- read it! But it is basically about how God designed our hearts as women: they are sensitive, our emotions are intense. That’s a good thing. ‘Our hearts bear the image of the God who formed them.’ I should always be mindful of the movements of my heart, it knows better than my head, anyway. Why? Because my heart is hidden in the Lord’s and His in mine. God does not capture our minds at first, He captures our hearts. So if I am aware of that truth and God’s heart and mine are one, then I shouldn’t feel discouraged or fearful about who I am loving or how I am loving them or when I am loving them or how much they are loving me in return. God has always blessed me with an abundance of love from all angles of life, I should never let the amount of love pouring out of my heart be affected by my perception of the love I am receiving. I have just learned that today. Right now. In the past few minutes. Woah.

Anyway, it is the week of Easter, my favorite holiday! I’m gonna go ahead and say that it should be everyone’s favorite holiday. Easter is the epitome of Love. Which I think if we were to be completely honest with ourselves, Love is the one thing that keeps us going. We are either searching for it; rejoicing because we have so much of it; we are figuring out how to get it back; we are renewing it, igniting it, rekindling it, exploring it, fearing it, running from it, sprinting towards it, dancing through it. I pray so fiercely tonight that we will all be renewed and restored this Easter. That we will remember where love comes from and what it looks like and what His name is.

And HERE is my favorite Easter-y song. How awesome it will be to get to heaven & sing Hosanna with all the angels right at Jesus’ feet.

be full of love,

tor

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