I want to beg you, as much as I can, to be patient toward all that is unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue.
Do not seek the answers, which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them.
And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.
– Rainer Maria Rilke
I woke up this morning with a feeling of renewal. A feeling I have needed but for some reason haven’t thought to pray for. Maybe someone else did for me or maybe God just gave me this feeling because He knew I needed it. Recently I have not been in a bad space, I’d like to think I am better off than I have ever been before, but there are just those things that I find myself holding onto…things unresolved, things I have no control over at all, just things. There are things about myself that I second guess or that I sometimes want to hold behind my back until someone really knows me. But why? I am free & it’s time that I start living that way every day. Embracing the beauty that is only mine, that was gift-wrapped just for me (I’d like to think God wrapped my individuality in heavenly newspaper, kind of like my dad used to do with the San Diego newspaper for my birthdays and Christmas. Unique, simple & silly…okay, and maybe kind of cheap?). So I feel like this has become a time of further self-discovery & enjoying the person I am right now, not just the person I want to become.
And for all those unresolved, mysterious events in my life? Well, if my attention is drawn to them at any point from this moment on I will acknowledge them as they are- secrets that Life has just not decided to reveal to me yet. I will learn to appreciate them in that way and not spend precious minutes of life trying to Sherlock Holmes the living hell out of them.