Light as any flower, you don’t even know

Since my update last week, I have had one of the coolest & weirdest weeks I’ve had in a while. I ended up getting the money I needed for my trip deposit just in time, it was really awesome how everything ended up working out 🙂 Let’s just say, I have been so blessed with amazing people in my life & I am especially grateful to one of them this week. Now that I have a plane ticket, a weight the size of Texas has been lifted and I feel like I can be legitimately excited. So, YAYYYY AFRIIIIICCCAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

On the relationship front though, I feel just as confused as ever. If things didn’t have to be so complicated, if I didn’t have to try and be witty, if I didn’t get so freaked out, if distance wasn’t always an issue, if it wasn’t so exhausting, if I wasn’t so skittish…then mayyybe, just maybe I could enjoy the company of a nice guy. But not yet. Somedays, I am like one of those stubborn horses who will NOT, by any means, move along the path any further- no matter how beautiful the view is up ahead, just forget about it. Other days I am like those trick horses in old timey fairs that would run full speed off of a giant diving board into a pool of water a hundred feet below, eyes straight forward & no hesitation. I want something easy…or easier than I’ve been working with. I want to not have to work so hard to keep my feelings in check. I want an additional best friend. I want to always be myself. I want someone to let me love them, dammit. “Good things come to those who wait” and “the right time will come along”…I have waited quite long enough it seems and I have seen some fine moments pass me by, so if one more little old lady at the pool feeds me that one..well, then I probably won’t come up with a good comeback until much later. Figures.

But really, how insignificant my prayers must sound when they are traveling up to heaven. Among all of the cries for help from those enduring eartquakes, tsunamis & terrible loss, all I want for myself is a trip to Africa and nice guy to hold my hand.

be full of love

tor

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