Shine it, sister.

I have been such a slacker with Africa and life updates in the past month. My apologies. I feel like the last month has been one of the toughest anddd most rewarding of my entire life. A lot of the time I haven’t felt like writing updates because I felt like a mess and my brain was so jumbled up with crap that I couldn’t think straight and other times I had so much clarity and so much vision that I couldn’t even start writing it into one blog post. I have done about 3 weeks of fasting and have spent a great deal more time in prayer and in the Word than I used to and it’s been sooo so so nice to find out my Father is always waiting to talk with me.

I decided to go on a different Africa trip (I don’t think I have blogged about it yet, if I have…here it is again). I am going to Kijabe, Kenya with a group called Love Africa that is based out of Belmont and I just feel so much more at peace with this decision and this trip and the people who will be going. I know for a fact that I am going and I know that this is where God wants me and where He wants to use me. It’s so nice to know that He is working things out and I don’t have to worry. Granted, I still find myself worrying all the freakin’ time. It is a daily thing…to wake up and surrender all my insecurities and worries to the Lord. He took care of it last time. He is taking care of it this time. He’ll get the next one, too.

I should have expected them coming.. but when sucky things have started to happen lately, I get bummed and frusterated and unmotivated which is the exact opposite of what I should be doing. I feel like the easiest way for me to find peace lately is to just drown my worries out with some good praise and worship songs that will remind me over and over that God loves me and is in control of my life, even when things seem to be a crazy, stupid, hot mess. It is so nice to be able to cling to the Love of Christ in times like that; when people you love and trust disappoint you and hurt you or when it is just one of those “when it rains, it pours” kind of days. Why can’t I run after my Father that hard all of the time? Even when things are going just fine?

So many more doors are being opened lately. To new job opportunities, new friendships, new adventures…it’s so exciting! God totally knows the desires of our hearts and sometimes, even if we don’t pray specifically for certain things to happen, He blesses us with them anyway. He is always there listening, He is always concerned with the things that concern us, and He is alwaysssss trying to talk to us. Like always. Even in the grocery store…or driving down the road. I’ve been tuning Him out for so long without really realizing it…how much good have I missed out on? Our Father is good and He is so so so loving and I am so glad that I am finally seeing it everywhere. I asked God to use the months leading up to Africa to build my faith and mold my heart so I will be used in the best possible way while I’m over there and shewww…be cautious of what you ask for. He has totally answered my prayers and it has been so hard, but it is totally worth it and I love my Jesus in such a bigger and better way than I ever have. ❤

He’s letting me know how I can shine in spite of heartbreak, in spite of uncertainty, in spite of fear, because of love, because of signs and because He rescued me. A.w.e.s.o.m.e.

Oh..and I have been spending time with the Venture Student Ministry (VSM) and I am absolutely loving it. Maybe this is why I am never supposed to grow up. : ]

be full of love

tor

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