So it’s 11 pm & I have the gnarliest headache I’ve had in a while. I mean, it’s the blurry vision/grind your teeth kind (maybe staring at the bright computer screen isn’t the best idea). I just felt like writing.
I seriously cannot convey how excited I am about Africa. It’s the only thing I think about & the only thing I want to talk about but I know that would get on everyone’s nerves. I went for a really great run on Thursday evening & I was jammin’ out to some Hillsong & just daydreaming about Zambia. I can totally see with my heart how life-changing and awesome this trip is going to be & how much good is going to be done for the Kingdom there. But as I kept running and daydreaming, I started feeling dizzy and nautious and sort of just…weird. I had really weird/scary thoughts kind of just pop into my head and so I started praying for God to take over my thoughts and to just kick the Enemy out of my mind really fast. I know that sounds weird and kooky, but I know that’s what it was. He’s already starting to mess with me. I keep finding myself doubting what I KNOW God has told me. This morning I discovered a little cyst on myself that’s never been there before and I have this crazy headache, I never get headaches.. it’s weird. I’ve just been powering down the water and the worship tunes tonight. This probably sounds silly, but I feel like now I know for sure that God has called me to this because the Enemy is on the defense so much more than ever before- he’s good at it, I’ll give him that…but I know my Father’s voice & I know He will take care of me.
I was talking to a friend tonight about how grateful I am that God brought me back to NC. It was for reasons entirely different than I thought at the time but He has brought me so much closer to Him & for that, I’ll take another heartbreak any day. God’s plans are so much more intricate/crazy/awesome than anything I could ever come up with myself. For that I am so thankful. Some days I feel like I have it together..but some days I am lost as ever & don’t know how to find my way back to the life I want/need/was designed for. So I am thankful for the fact that God has His hand on me during every season of my life: the good ones, the great ones, the weird ones & the sucky ones. Everything works together for good.
I just finished Pastor Steven’s book Sun Stand Still & it was so good. When I had one handy, I highlighted the messssss out of that thing & one part that I love the most is when Pastor was talking about 1 Kings 18 (get ready for the Tori summary) when God told Elijah to inform King Ahab that after a 3 year drought, the rain was finally coming. After telling Him he went to the top of Mt Carmel & prayed while his servant went to check the horizon for the storm that was on it’s way. The servant came back with the news that nothing was on the horizon. Nothing. But God had showed Elijah the rain, He let him hear the rumbling of the storm. But there wasn’t anything happening. Pastor pointed out here that Elijah never went himself to look at the horizon, he was bowed to the ground praying. He did not waiver in what he knew to be true. He sent his servant back to check things out 7 times…finally on the seventh trip the servant came back to tell Elijah that he saw a tiny cloud rising from the sea. BAM.
“When what you see around you doesn’t match up with what God has spoken inside you, you’ve got to hold on to what you’ve heard.” -Pastor Steven
I know I’ve had times before where I needed to hear this story and I definitely know there are going to be times in the future when I need to just stop for a moment and hold on to what God has told me over & over. He is good & He always knows what He’s doing. So I shouldn’t worry anymore.
Oh, & since I’ve started typing this…my headache is completely gone.
This.is.so.cool. : )
Here is a song that I have been playing over and over tonight. I love this song so much. ❤ “I will not forget, I won’t forget Your promises. I will not forget, I won’t forget Your love.”
be full of love,